2nd Dec, 2024

15:57 IST

 uhh been sometime, 

was actually sick (just a little). ok i guess more than just a little.

life might be taking a huge turn idk. do i like it ?

not sure but yeah i am trying to adapt for sure.

hopefully it gets better from here. from here on. 
uhhh i feel like crying a little. i dont want to break down. keeping myself calm. cz that's the task maybe i am assigned right now. 

i am afraid. a lot actually 

anyways 16:00 IST i should take a shower.

bye

will be back. specially not that i cant open up a little more than i could've outside of this online page. will be back, better . 

bid the gentleman good bye till then. uhh but i just wanted to be happy. why does it have to be so hard. 

koi na . i am arka banerjee. and i live a life where my life is idolised. and i should be grateful. uhhh life be a litttle easy on me.

with love ,
to arka banerjee 

from arka banerjee
(as if i thought i had someone else)

did i ?

i did 

ok foolish me. 


will distance myself like _ do to me. sometimes it hurts . sometimes ? always.. 
i wanna be treated better . do i talk about it when the exams go over ??


idk maybe no actually. what if that hurts _.  i dont wanna hurt  _. 


what happened all of a sudden. why am i being ignored this way ? 
did i do something wrong ?

btw i did keep a moustache. is it because of this ?? maybe i should cut it . i should actually 

i dont wanna be compared with someone else. i dont like that  and if it happens i should stop it.


i am ARKA BANERJEE. i am the very best and the best that can happen. THE BEST . 
I AM GONNA BECOME THE BEST 

WHO WILL STOP ME ? NOBODY CAN STOP ME.  ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE KIND. BUT NOT HELPLESS. 


i am not weak , and i am not going to appear that way ,. surely i would love to be loved , but yes i am not loosing my self respect for that .

anyways 16:16 actually so i should do all the chores now , i am not going to let this victim mindset go heavy on me,. 

i sure would hate to be the same cold that i am to everyone else but what about my value.

i have to be VALUED. no matter what . i have never compared anyone to anyone else, i have seen living people come out as the worst. 


heavy shoulders buddy they have been through a lot , bring the man inside you back. 

TIME TO BE THE MAN AGAIN.  NO TIME FOR THAT KID INSIDE YOU . 

let that kid stay incase someday it gets loved but till then MAN UP kid.

you are better than anyone else who at your age was better than youu ?? that 1% 

so why compare with the 99 % ?? 

be the good human you are. lets see what happens

actually yk i should have gratitude . silly of me . none of the things make sense. more grateful, more gratitude. maybe not everything i want is happening but aste aste everything will turn right 


time do . saab thik ho jayega



next day 00:50 IST 

clearly i didnt get enough time to come back to thissss. uhhh